that time, i was really didn't have ANY faith and trust with God.
i truly didn't have any feeling of his presence. i feel he was not there.
Hmm... in one of these few days, i saw a tv programme, they are testing out all the facts that the bible says..
and it caught my eye, and i stop my brother from changing the channels.
my brother is a non-believer... he also did agree what the tv shows.
and they say out many scientific answers to fight back with the thing that was written.
i was confuse and started to think it was a logical thing.
and didn't want to carry on listening what they have to say.
i gone to sleep.. with my quiet time.

2nd day i didn't say any grace or done my quite time.
totally out of my mind. i didn't want to do it and i fear...
i don't know is that all true? and look forward to sat which is yesterday la.

i didn't have the time to write this post on ytd lo, so did it today.

***********
it was a same fine day. i was looking forward for today's service.
really very looking forward to. i want to feel God presence agian.
i want to believe in God agian. i didn't want to be influenced by anything.
i didn't want anything to spoil my relationship with God.
and once think of not coming to today's service and not even step into the church.
but i want to know the truth, i didn't believe in all what they said.

jayme called me and come to my house for breakfast..
and stay for awhile in my house..
did almost nothing but i love it. i played the com. and she was reading her book.
later, we gone to church. managed to spot my cell and followed then anywhere -.-
soon, we squeeze into the 2nd floor.. waiting for the service.

skipskipskip...
i didn't want to say bout how we rush in and all these things that you shouldn't be reading x)

then i was at the front. i was deeply hoping that i will jump..
it is only a hope.. but i myself, i didn't want to jump at all..
i didn't want to even move with the music.. i was like a stone.
i did clap my hands..
i have been coming to church for 1 months..
i didn't jump at all... i really wish i could do that for God.
i can't do it.. it was like, something not letting me to enjoy.

today, i did jump.. thanks to weiwei, my cell leader.
i am felt God after a few jumps.
i enjoyed. i love it.
it is only this day, this day when i got a very strong feeling.
a feeling that i cannot really absorb everything.
a feel that God is there. i could really feel him!!
he was there. he was there for me!! when i am not sure about everything.
and once agian.. i trust him.
his presence was so strong. x)
a love that i cannot absorb.. it was too "huge".

then later.. i cried for a moment..
i want to cry to the lord longer, there is no time.
we have to end the service. -.-

and we have cell after service.
the cell was small!! ThHE!!
AND I FORGOT TO BRING MY NEW LIFE BOOK!!!
haiz. no lesson for me agian..

and i waited jayme to eat her dinner and ready for home sweet home..
junhong done his dinner le.. they was going home la.
so i followed.. since we are taking the same bus.
he was not very as friendly as he was...
he thinks that jayme and i were annoying.
and he started to run with his friend. so unfriendly..
at least ahyi didn't do that to me.. he was much nicer than him.
[ahyi is a guy in my cell]
i want it very hard that ahyi will be with jayme and me.
accompany us with the same bus.
really like last week, he accompany me to the bus, with our cell..
gone to void-deck and sing songs. i was really happy last week =)
i really want it very much that he will be my side.
not that i am in love with him or crazy bout him la.
is that... that... the caring he gives me is much more nicer that any other people.

i pray and pray... crying in my heart for him..
and when my bus 852 came..
and i got into my bus.. i saw him running into the bus!!!
wa!!^%$^&(*&)&$@!@#$%^&^&^%$#@
my heart was like.. THANKS GOD.
for the presence of him. thankyou.
and i enjoy it x)
after the bus journey, jayme suggested not to go home too soon la.
and ahyi suggested to go to arcade. i am anything.
so i followed.
i saw JK and HX there... did they skip church for arcade?
i hope not. JK show me his father.. he was really going out with his father x)
so, at least he didn't lie.. thanksgod.

we walk here walk there..
these guys played a few games..
and we girls follow only -.-
but, i was having fun too.. looking at the racing these cars..
haha..

and once they said to go, we gone out.
they were like.. playing hid and seek with us..
i am kindly abit angry about it.
why will ahyi also run away from us. haiz.
and i gone down to the esclator lo.
my feeling was quite sad la.

and heard that jayme saw them waiting downstairs..
i was glad agian.. but they run away agian and agian..
at least 3 times..
i did't want them to treat us as pest.
i want to be friends. why they would do that for sake of fun??
haiz.

-XiaoWei

7:25 AM