don't say weiwei, julian, ahyi or Jayme..
i also don't like my attitude.
but i like it.. don't know why.
i just like to be alone, i prefer to be alone.
[if i can choose]
i always scared this scared that, but nobody cares.
they themself also don't care.
might as well don't care and just care about myself,
just think for myself, just do my own things...
better than wasting my time and effort to care for someone and they don't even care.
ok, stop this.

thanks weiwei for putting so much effort to help em in moeny problem.
but i don't like it duh~.
although i can eat.
but i just don't want to take anybody's money,
like what tongen do to me.

today got bible lesson, my emotions didn't feel like going, but then i remembered what sly. told me ytd... somthing like.. don't have to follow your emotions but just go.
or, destroy away the emo. in the name of Jesus..
i used this all, and it was 12.25 already.. called Jayme, managed to convince her to bible study.
she gave alot of excuse, saying now is not the time to go out...
father not at home..
in the end... then she say she don't feel like going. -.-
but in the end still got go la.

after bible study, weiwei waiting for sly.to go to eat.
feel like going home.. got here sure waste my time at there see sky.
but then weiwei buy food n drink for me. haiz.
then weiwei want to go to orchard actually want to go home de.
only take money enough for go church then home.
no money agian liao loh, problem.
but weiwei still give me money.
back from orchard weiwei also giv me money.
iya, i don't like it la...
i prefer to borrowpeople have to waste their money loh.
or maybe call my father fetch me, if can.
say until my father..
i very stupid, very lazy... how to get good results?
no good results, maybe no church ba...
and.. i always go out for church things.
like going out to cell meeting, weiwei meet me, bible study, etc.
always going out until late late..
my father say i never control.
i also never go where.. never go play.
never go smoke... iya, who cares.
i didn't explain to him, just let him think what he want to ba.
his brain ma..
my mum also complain that when i go church, i spend alot.
later yi camp, later sat food, later what dinner, later TE church camp..
what can i do?? weiwei want me to go, i no money, my mum...
i might as well don't go this kind of things if my mum gets angry over time.
but i really wan to go to mission trip lah..
don't know how to tell my mum, i know she will sure give me the money.
but she will be sad in how i spend the money.
she just didn't say it out.

don't know since when, church become a problem to me and my family.

-Xiaowei

3:16 AM