i can't stop crying. i might look strong.
but my heart is really very weak.
even little things like i cannot go to the hospital to see my friend(ottavia)
i will cry. i will think if i didn't show up, will she be sad?
my father scold me, i will cry in my room..
if you say about kohtee, i will cry.

thats why i am alone.
i am always alone crying about things that is going on.
i really love to be alone, because i won't be feeling sad nor tired.
prefer alone because no one can talk to me nor touch me.
it is these things that make me sad.
whenever things happen to me or my friends, i will be worried or sad.
i will cry for it.
but all these things is hidden!
now that i tell you guys, that i look as if i don't care, but i do really care!
i care so much! no, i think i care too much...
i always want other to be happy..
if they are happy, i don't mind to be the one unhappy.
i don't mind to do more..
i don't mind to sacrifies my chocolates, my money, my food, my sweets.
but if you're happy.

then 1month ago, i realise no one care.
why am i the one worried, the one who cries?
why i am the one who care about your problem, but you yourself is makin a joke out of it?
i am so tired, God.

now, i am a child of God, i cry more!
i can't help it..
you can call me names.. up to you.
my heart is really painful.. i want to forgive so much.
i want to love!

i know its a process..
this might be a good story to tell others next time.
its hard to go through this kind of things.
i know God will surely provide a way out someday.
with faith i will wait, but its painful now..

if you don't know what is going on here,
ask me personally.. if you really care.

-Xiaowei

11:26 PM