today bought JiaLing to meet weiwei.
talked, gone to library..
then saw ahyi.. wanted to intro him to JL, but she keep advoiding us x)
i don't whats wrong with her la.
she just can't be normal when it comes to guys.
kindy weird.. LOL.
so shy..
in school, whenever she saw guys or anyone talked to her,
she will become.. like, abit not like her.
keep smiling all the way..
the topic is just some simple questions -.-
i can't get it.

gone to coffee bean.
very sian!!!! still must wait for them to eat.
then i go to sch to pass the brochure loh.
thanks weiwei for the printing =)
i think i won't get high marks la. haiz.

along the way i was asking God many questions.
many thing i just don't like it.
why this, why that.
everybody is different, even if we don't compare, we are different. issit it a fact huh??
iya, just don't know alot of things.
i was really worried about myself.
i was a very lazy person.. not rich.. not clever.
what will happen?
lazy to do things, lazy to revise, lazy to read the bible, lazy to talk, lazy to walk, lazy to reply, lazy to adapt, lazy to think! who in this earth is like me?
no money to buy myself a pen/pencil/eraser/correction tape/ruler/etc.
eventhings i need, i don't have.
sometimes have to keep my stomach empty until i reach home.
and my church always have event which needs money.
my cell aways eat outside.
i really want to give money to cell, i really want to save some money, i really want to have my own savings, i want to, i want to...
but i don't even have the money for my proper meals... not enough for what i need to buy.
i myself is not enough, how can i give?
crying in my heart, father, help me!

back from sch, weiwei say i like very stress.
haiz..
then, finally get out of that place.
to weiwei house...
still talking to God, always get disturb by weiwei x)

weiwei say last time i am in my own world,
but now not liao.
if i can, i really wish i am in my own world.
i prefer to be alone than with other people with me, which cause me more troubles.
i know you will say no, you will say people give love.
but either than love? they give sad-ness to me to..
they bring trouble to me.
without them, i don't need to care.
don't even need to love...

nobody will know the true me, except God.
even Jayme don't know much about me.

i really hate adapting to changes!!
i am different.
i will kill myself from adapting to some changes.
its really hard for me.
and i am always the last.
and when i adapted, it change agian! i hate it..

i may be complaining.. i know i am. but what can i do?
i don't hav anything i can be happy of.

all the laugh is from my bleeding heart, a fake laugh.
seen to be cheerful, but not.
always joke, but i tell you, i am not a funny person.
look strong a child crying in her heart..
i am weak.
you may need not to know this.. you don't even need to care.

i don't even have the basics, what can i want for more?

-Xiaowei

4:36 AM