I am jealous, i know i am, i am sure i am now. The fact that i get so much lesser allowance than my brother, i am jealous. I also admit that i am greedy. I always want more, more than what i have. I am always craving for more, why. I just feel that its all unfair. All because i don't want to voice out, all because i choose to submit to what was given, i have less.

and now i think i am earning pity, what a good girl i am, betraying my parent's love.

I am always complaining, but to myself. I hate myself for living in this family, taking in some stupid gas and keeping my mouth shut to accept them. They rather spend that thousand of dollars on their addicts than their children. I don't like them, but i love them. i need to love them. I appreciate whatever 'love' they tried to give me, but i will never close one eye on their messed up mindset.

arghhhhhhhhhhh, i hate the smoke.

I am always in debt with my own parents, it seems like things that i want have to be paid from my allowance. The allowance that don't even allow me to have proper meals. ok, i don't care how you think anymore, i am going to be that poor girl. i don't beg for food, so i will die. bye.

I am just so irritated that my dad just gave my brother more money when he said he had not enough for food. His allowance is twice of mine, worst, now more.. because he convinced someone he deserve it more.

please please, if you love me, don't call me out, don't ask me out.
because this girl here have no money to entertain you. thanks.

I need to grow up. real fast.

6:26 AM